The Reality of Being
I recently had a strange encounter with an everyday entity, a part of myself, my reflection. I had just gotten out of a painful relationship and the wound of heartache still felt devastatingly real. He looked me dead in the eye and asked me, "My friend would you do it all over again if you could?" i answered yes without giving a second thought, but he obviously already knew the answer to his question. why? he asked, why would you want to put yourself through all that again when you know what is coming.
Well, that's simple, its not about what happens after. its about how she made me feel during. I know if i don't feel the way she made me feel at least once in my life then the whole purpose of life just seems so meh to me.
That's bullshit my friend, he replied with a scoff... hey what do you know, you are just a figment of my imagination.. "I agree, and yet even i know its bullshit, no1 would want to put themselves through that kinda pain..... unless... unless of course you enjoy the pain". He knew he had me with that sentence. But the pain, its unforgiving, its raw, its motivating, its kind of a remarkable superpower that you don't let out. But what most people don't understand, what most people forget is that, pain is also voracious in its need to consume you. If you cant control it, it will take control of you. But if you are that 1% that finds a way to control it. to bring it under your will. it can make you do great things. things even you dint know you were capable of. Like i said, a superpower that you cant let out. so is it so bad to crave it ? To chase greatness was always the way we were build. If pain is just a means to that, then what harm can there be in it?
Well, that's simple, its not about what happens after. its about how she made me feel during. I know if i don't feel the way she made me feel at least once in my life then the whole purpose of life just seems so meh to me.
That's bullshit my friend, he replied with a scoff... hey what do you know, you are just a figment of my imagination.. "I agree, and yet even i know its bullshit, no1 would want to put themselves through that kinda pain..... unless... unless of course you enjoy the pain". He knew he had me with that sentence. But the pain, its unforgiving, its raw, its motivating, its kind of a remarkable superpower that you don't let out. But what most people don't understand, what most people forget is that, pain is also voracious in its need to consume you. If you cant control it, it will take control of you. But if you are that 1% that finds a way to control it. to bring it under your will. it can make you do great things. things even you dint know you were capable of. Like i said, a superpower that you cant let out. so is it so bad to crave it ? To chase greatness was always the way we were build. If pain is just a means to that, then what harm can there be in it?
"But doesn't there come a time when the pain you thought you had control over, was always in control of you, my friend? " he said looking at my bleeding hand and then at the sharp knife in my right hand. My face turned red, my hands trembled with anger. With teeth gritting Rage i replied, Your time here is over, MY FRIEND .With that i smashed the mirror in and grinned as i made another long beautiful cut along my left hand, dabbed my brush in the thick red blood and continued my hopelessly failing attempt at recreating her immense beauty on the bloodstained canvas, all the while whispering to myself over and over again, GREATNESS WILL BE MINE !!! GREATNESS WILL BE MINE !!! GREATNESS WILL BE MINE !!!
-Journal entry 203 of the creator of The Bloody Beauty
